For those of you who sent your first child off to college a few weeks ago, I want you to know that the pain in your chest (and I mean aching pain), the tendency to break out in tears whenever you walk past your child’s bedroom, and the realization that a major event has happened in your family are normal reactions, and this feeling of grief is important and temporary.
I will never forget when my husband and I dropped our oldest daughter off at Kenyon College. After a wonderful day of family activities, it was finally time to say goodbye. We both gave her a big hug, and then she turned away and walked into her dorm. At that moment I felt like my whole life had just turned upside down. This child was our first, and from the moment she was born, she was special. She has always been the role model for her younger brother and sister, and as the years have gone by, she has actually been a role model to me in many ways. Now… she has just walked away from me — her mother.
I would love to say that I got over my grief quickly, but that is not the case. First I walked straight to the nearby grocery store and bought a huge bag of chips, a candy bar, and peanuts, and devoured all of it immediately. I did, however, get on the plane to go home even though our little girl was not with us. I made it through the longest Sunday in my life. But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I finally found my stride again. I am a wife, a mother, and a professional; and although my roles for each of these jobs are constantly changing, nothing can change who I am.
Today I look back on that time like it was a distant dream. Our daughter graduated from college after four amazing years, went on to law school, and is enjoying her new life as a lawyer.
While you go through this major adjustment in your life, be patient with yourself as you learn how to be a parent of a college student. I promise you that there are great times ahead.